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1. Acknowledging Pain

 

We consciously and intentionally notice and acknowledge our own pain. We notice, with openness and curiosity, the painful thoughts, feelings, emotions, images, sensations, urges, memories etc. that are present within us in this moment.

 

 

2. Defusion from self-judgement

 

An essential aspect of self-compassion is learning how to defuse from harsh self-talk. We can notice, name and unhook from those cognitions. We can learn how to see them as nothing more or less than words and pictures. And we can let them come and stay and go in their own good time, without getting caught up in them or pushed around by them.

 

3. Acting with kindness

 

We can use kind self-talk, such as reminding ourselves that we are human and no one is perfect. We can talk to ourselves in a caring and gentle and understanding way, much as we would speak to a loved one in similar pain.

 

4. Acceptance

 

Acceptance means we ‘open up’ and ‘make room’ for our thoughts and feelings; we allow them to flow through us, without fighting them, running from them, or being controlled by them.

 

5. Validation

 

Actively validate our experience through self-talk. We can remind ourselves – (in a warm, caring inner voice) that it is normal and natural for humans to have painful thoughts and feelings when life is difficult, when we make mistakes, when we get rejected, or when we experience any kind of reality gap (a gap between the reality you want and the reality you’ve got).

 

6. Connectedness

 

Spend time with people who care about you and treat you kindly, and actively engage with them; be fully present with them. Often, it’s useful to let these people know that you are in pain, and to accept their kindness.

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